people search for directions everyday of their lives. for a crest or placard to lead the way. for a motion or wave to guide in the taken route. for an omen or premonition to give due for a deter or detour. in those many life’s crossroads. to graduate with an inked rubber stamp of living. of being. of loving.
but what happens when there are just too many signs. too many directions. all for a path thats everything but going your way. and every step you take forward or back. is either many efforts away. or as many efforts out of the way. automatism has presided over voluntary action/inaction. and taken over as a way of life. an entire framework of mind alien even to its own. like signboards and notices. you find willing arms and ears embracing you along the way. unnecessary. yet very much indispensable. they stand alone from where they are. but through and for you seek allegience in their loneliness. giving birth to harnesses capable of withholding sanity. and more.
naturally. but not too surprisingly. every wrong doesnt seem too wrong. and every right feels more right. under that facade of value-added strength and independence. it is and always will be all good. but when that facade tires. and fades. everything that you think works for you. suddenly doesnt.
im chilling. getting too cold for even me to comprehend. i put my sweater back on and realise its inside out. but it doesnt matter cus at the end of the day. it still keeps me warm. i cant recall which one of those many times that i stopped moving in sync. stagnated with much help. and retreat became the way. my way. once again. but making heads meet where the ends sit. has finally taken its toll.
i chased 2 things away today. one belonged to me. the other didnt. i wasnt the type to have happy endings in a karma sort of way. guess i dont deserve it. or maybe i just didnt allow it. mind over matter has always been the way for me.
and a lifetime of it sounds just fine.
current aural of bricking - My Interpretation by Mika.
