dear Ear. you have lost alot of weight. is everything okay? you have become so light now i can hardly feel your pressure. i remembered the countless failed wars you fought against Mind to be in the frontline of all circumstances put to you. but yet now with all these unexpected victories. you cant seem to hold out on your own. and all i see are the celebrations in pain time after time. that invincible force you once yielded against all odds. where has it gone? you have caused enough messes. please do allow Mind to take over till youre ready. and meanwhile. have a speedy recovery. and send my best regards to your twin.
after a dramatic revelation of overhauled information tonight. i suddenly felt the shivers of not loneliness. but aloneness. its a strange feeling i cant quite put a finger to. and this is possibly the only emotion in a long time that ive felt for myself which isnt induced or played up/down by anyone else.
in a nutshell. ive been trusting. concerned. and loved. all my issues summarised into 3 words too big for even me to comprehend. it now seems. i just havent been deserving enough.
checked up the dictionary and found meanings that constitutes the silence one is capable of. the difference between being speechless. and having absolutely nothing to say. the latter is somewhat selfish and overbearing. expecting nothing more than to be left room to assume and relish in self-induced thoughts. yet the former reeks of a gross lack of understanding and much refrainment. a lesser and more civil evil as i’d like to think. and practice. in a ‘your benefit of my doubt’ sort of way.
i truly am amazed with the amount of talk that is non-existent at best. and at worst. thwarted with bit-ters of self-indulgent truths. the better in me that i have always craved to embrace and have embraced till today. with goodwill and intentions have sadly been manipulated and wielded high and far as a sign of my idiocy and gullibility. low and near in the audacious proximity of my comfort zones. i aint dumb. or blind. so what the hell is wrong with me.
a friend said it was cus i never bothered explaining or refuting. but they are ALL unheard doubts. and for the very fact that they are not asked would definitely seem to me (at least) most unecessary to clarify. what have been assumed conveniently and with ease in the propheting way of seeing/hearing is believing dont read truths. why issit always my cross to bear? this friend then goes on. youre involved in all the shits. (yay)
i really ought start feeling/doing/saying things for myself. which really is just a nicer way of saying. get a life shirley.
current aural of confusion - All At Once by Jack Johnson.
