did a random call check and realise that of the nearly 300 numbers stored in my mobile memory. that are but only 3 i would call everyday (almost). and 5 who’s calls i would faith-fully return. it doesnt say anything. but it means something. i think.
im sure there are some i’d like to talk to. or others whom i’d simply ask how their day was. but punching in those numbers just wasnt on the active protocol. after assessing the risk of attachments gamble of managements and exposure of fears. the too uncertain ends just couldnt in any way justify the means.
to say whatever tomorrow brings. i’ll be there. to say im with you. all of the way. to say im not going anywhere. im here to stay. it means alot. i mean to say it. but cant seem to say much. this inadequacy has resulted in a million casual teas. and having chosen coffee over. it does not necessarily sign off as my adequacy. they say it is all about taking the first step to get to where you want to. yet any one wrong subsequent step lends the possibility of too many diffferent paths. and compromises a totally up and planned route. theres room for compromises. and all things that hasnt walked itself to happen. but none for promises. or mistakes. for the latter will drown you in helpless abyss. and the former. in helpful bottomless.
her tears. i cant bear it. my fears. i will handle it.
im taking a few risks. managing some gambles. and allowing exposure to only one fear. bracing myself to get ready. get set. dont go.
current aural of a gem - Breathe by Anna Nalick.
