VERBAL DIARRHOEA

i met ivy yesterdays. it was the longest and hardest time we have ever had to spend together. the minutes spilt into hours and the hours into days. like built up jenga. the highest blocks crash the hardest and hurt the most. and for the first time in what felt like ironically. all of my conscious living. she wasnt quiet like she always was. that unsilence naturally unjustified any amount of the preposterous credit she was beforehand bestowed. her words were nothing that i havent already heard. but they were like a nine. extending every zero i have tried to thought.

so i heard. the gods cant help those who wont help themselves. its worrying people around you arrest your self-confidence so easily. maybe try eating less? oh no wait. but then you wont have the energy to start fires anymore! hmm this is a tricky one. if i eat more. will you promise no one else gets defamed or maimed? but for you going all out of your way to show concern for me. i promise to eat more k?!

it was a strange couple of days. felt like my feet tripped over themselves and gave rise to a long awaited showcase of true colours. the mind recollects how perfect weekends and trips use to be. and how they slowly but surely derogate into bitching quickies and compromising situations arising one after another. fire-started only when the proposed accused/victim is not present (but of cus). and not too coincidentally. they all date back since the debut appearance of a certain someone. im sure everyone remembers. a charmer not one bit monstrous much less dangerous. The Most harmless person you can ever meet in life. and how just so attentive she is to your every need and want. praising one second about the way you smell or sing or smile or walk or dress or sound. and the very next how your features so sharp and photogenic she cant stop snapping and staring. and like snakes. we all grew accustomed to her blowing feet and fire-exit compliments. how the heat in a communal play-ground/pool/bar/house/hawker is turned up each time by her own bowel mouthments sadly even she herself cannot be proud of. justified by the sheer shrieking of/f not everything. but just simply anything and everything at all which compromises her in any way. but having done something not so right maybe even i dont know. shameful to look back at now? she doesnt shut up. even though she knows its TRUE what is said. and go so far as to make her toes scream just to hopefully probably induce a “may the biggest and loudest win”. you amaze me. are you amazed with me too? that the people you always whine to saying they are different when i am around. whom now you turn on and accuse for whoring. these people have been around since time immemorial (mine) are still on my side? oh wait thats right. im sleeping with all of them LAH! no wonder they hold hands and stand with me now. still.

this genius has one other charm. which was that she could effectively shower misery and pain without curtains. out in the open. naturally getting everyone talking and tendering. sometimes stooping even lower just to ensure no attention seeps away to another person. even if that someone was the most recent partner. so then everyone completely overlooks with much help. myself included. how it is never only one person who hurts in a relationship. i was subsequently made to look that other way which i not only did. but stayed. only to be ultimately compromised. in a way so grey i might have been made to carry someone else’s black pot.

well at least verbosity was true. enough. if and only if we allow slip our minds that once again. someone’s image and reputation is verbosely being undermined and tarnished. likely even as we speak. and maybe so when i think back of her some years later still crooning this very story like an overnight tale being spinned to stardom.

but it still didnt matter too much. like how the truth doesnt always matter. but that audacity. that amazing fucking conscience to cry wolf (in a language she didnt even know nor had the slightest intelligence for). as if she was maligned misunderstood wronged and raped. was just i dont know. SICK? the people who knew and still knows have chosen to be safe in their clothes watching me not only being hung out. but beaten dry. for the mistake of having consoled a friend who from a shattered innocent girl trying to live on became a bitter ex girlfriend who not couldnt but didnt want to move on. at all. why? how do you feel now looking at another being stoned and torched for your inability to keep your mouth shut? i really wonder. all these digging and pursuing something that doesnt belong to you. any idea how many honest and trying people (not that one crying bloody murder please) are gonna get hurt? and this time round i dont question how i havent been deserving enough. i learn now. never to talk to strangers.

on a stranger note. despite clearly already being at a comparatively disadvantaged hearing radius for my not any less trying issues. she still chose not to confront. to awaken some confused roots of her spite and speak up for clarification. but instead chose to induce and indulge on a fellow friend’s wave of highs and lows by gathering sure-supporters. to book that face she requires to cry wolf. yet again. what is most demeaning is that of all the people possible to judge and call names. it had to come from someone who coverts+s+s wives (to say the very very least). and then you cant help but wonder how and why her anger should contain anything even remotely related to the uncivilised (a first) language of a triple-timing immoral child whore (no she wasnt a partner. not even a friend to the partner. not even a HI-BYE friend to any of the other two she so so suddenly feels so much for now). very wierd yes. unless of cus. she knows what we all know too. that THERE is where all the emotions would stir (and wasnt she right). what else left to do to be in the center of attention. where else better to hit than where it hurts. and when else better to do it than now.

i am indeed. too young for her 28 years.

pssst. did they happen to also tell you the father of all screw-ups?

current aural of a woman’s scorn - Till There Was You!!!!! by Gabriel and Dresden.